My mouth and throat have taken a real beating this week. Between the raw jalapeño oil that assaulted my throat and tongue yesterday at lunch and the burning hot piece of zucchini I’m refusing to spit out as I type this, I think it deserves a delicious treat. Like more chocolate mega chunks.

Raw jalapeño throat assault you say? How and where did that happen? Moe’s Southwest Grill. Going out to eat can be tricky when you’re trying to stick to paleo and actually manage to leave the restaurant with a full stomach. Thankfully, Moe’s is one of those places you can make it happen.

What to order: the Close Talker salad with your choice of meat, hold the cheese, beans and giant carb known as the tortilla bowl. Move it on down the line and load it up with the following freebies: Peppers, Grilled Onions, Pico de Gallo, Cilantro, Cucumbers, Guacamole (ok so that’s $1), Bacon (another $1 well-spent) and… Jalapeños. Pickled, raw, both? Hotness factor is up to you.

I decided to get crazy and go for the raw jalapeños yesterday. Towards the end of my salad, one bite sent a shot of jalapeño oil straight to the back of my throat and it made me cough. A lot.

When this happens, exactly half of my face turns red, wells up in tears and my nose starts running. It’s real cute. Not sure what my friend Tony thought to make of the weirdo across the table while this was happening. Not to mention I thought it was smart to just attempt to talk through it. Sorry for being an such an awkward lunch compadre.

There you have it, folks. How to stay paleo at Moe’s Southwest Grill.

Hasta mañana, amigos!