So begins the long-winded story about how these happened:

I’ve been really into nut butters lately. Like, stupid into them. One day I got very annoyed at the fact that almond butter with additives is NOT readily available in your average grocery store, and if you’re able to find it, it’s stupid expensive. In an effort to stick it to The Man, I bought myself a bag of raw almonds and went PFFFTTT I can do this myself. So, I did.

Now I’m totally enthused like a 4th grader with her first chemistry set. WHOA COOL LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. First it was dry and now it’s sticky! So, for a follow-up to my first awesome batch, I bought myself some dry roasted almonds. Some articles I read recommended dry roasting before turning into butter, so I figured hey what the hell. I get home, open the can and take a whiff. THERE IS NOT JUST SALT IN THESE. Spices. FOILED by ‘spices’, namely, garlic, onion and paprika.

I was not amused. I made it into butter anyway, but all it did was taste like a savory disappointment. So, in an effort to get the disappointing flavor out of my mouth, I wanted dessert. I did something un-paleo. I USED PEANUTS. If the Paleo Police would like to drag me off to jail on this one, I’ll be going with a satiated grin on my face.

I once picked all of the almonds out of a peanut/almond/cashew mix. What to do with these leftover nuts? Make butter! Then things got a little crazy.

Are you sick of my giving you ingredients sans proportions yet? I’m like your awesome Italian grandmother. Minus being Italian. Minus being a grandmother. I like to think I’m awesome on at least an intermittent basis. Let’s go be be un-paleo together.

Reese’s Rocks

Peanuts
Cashews
Coconut Flakes
A tiny bit of Coconut Oil
Coconut Crystals
Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
Enjoy Life Mini Chips
Small amount of Raw Honey
Leftover crunchies from a Football-shaped Carvel Ice Cream Cake (Optional, as are any chocolate cookie crumbs you can find)

In the food processor, first went the peanuts and cashews plus a few coconut flakes. 5 minutes later, nut butter! Almost. About a half teaspoon of Coconut Oil helped get to the consistency I wanted.

Then… some unsweetened cocoa powder. This is when I go off the deep end.

Enjoy Life Mini Chips? WHY NOT?

Raw Honey and Coconut Crystals, a half-ish teaspoon of each of you would probably liven the party.

Crunchies were just a bonus remnant from my birthday celebration a week prior. So what if I’m a girl who asks for football cake?

Once you’re happy with the mixture and how it tastes, plop little bite size portions onto wax paper, sprinkle crunchies on and refrigerate.

I was going to dip them all in melted chocolate a day later. Then I rethought that decision and ate them all instead. No regrets.